Times surely flies..

I wrote this 3 months ago, never posted it because I thought it wasn't worth posting. I'm going to post this right now because I feel like it gives me a good perspective on how I grew and how far I came in just a few months. :)
Wow, such a long time ago when I wrote something on this blog. ALLOT happened in the last few months. It's almost half a year ago I moved to Diemen allready, that feels weird. It actually feels like forever.
First of all I'm going to switch jobs AGAIN, wow. Never thought I would switch jobs this often but I don't think it's neccesarily a bad thing. I like to think I grew allot stronger in the last few months, like in mindset and in motivation. When I lived in Brabant I really didn't knew 'what to do' with my life, especially career wise. The first job I had in Amsterdam was at this newly opening restaurant called 'neighbours', unfortunatly the opening was postponed allot and finally I could begin 2 months later than planned! I had allot of free time! but also my savings were all gone :( that sucked allot and still does! And when it opened they didn't have allot of work for me.. so that sucked even more! I put allot of effort in this job aswell because I didn't really have experience in serving and didn't knew anything about wines, I had to learn allot. I also got pretty sick at this moment as well.. not a good combination, maybe it was the stress of moving to a new place, meeting new people, a new job, money worries :o. I'm still not sure how I am surviving all the shitty things in my life sometimes, but I still am :) Allot of good things happened as well! The time between me quiting the restaurant job and me getting a new job was like a week 8D haha. that was awesome. I got hired at 'dutch&delicious' at schiphol. No surprise I had to work nights as well, but at least there was some money, phieuw. I met some awesome people at dutch and the work is okay :) At this moment I worked at dutch for 2 months and my last day there will be next week on friday. That sounds as if I'm not gratefull for all those jobs or I can't stay in one place, but that's certainly not the case. I'm super gratefull for all these jobs. But let me explain myself. As I worked 9 years for La Place, no one can say I'm not loyal to a company or I can't stay in one place. It's just this, I NEVER got any appreciation for the work I did there. Maybe I got a pet on the back but I NEVER got appreciation, I NEVER got what I deserved. I'm still a bit frustrated and angry about it at this day. I literally worked my ass off for this company and in the last year I worked there, 'full-time', all I got was bullshit in my face and I really was on the egde of being 'over-worked'. I still can't believe they let this happen, I can't believe I let this happen to myself. Seriously, this is what I learnt; Never be satisfied with things/jobs because it's 'easy'. Take the dangerous, scary and difficult road. Better to fall down, learn, maybe take some steps backwards, but never ever stay at the same spot if you're not satisfied. And that's what I am doing right at this moment. That's why I'm switching jobs and apparently it's working.

official goodbye

Today I officially left my appartment in etten-leur and moved to diemen. For the last week or so I stayed at my boyfriends place in Breda and drove back and forth between etten-leur,breda and diemen. I think I got used to adapt myself to new places, I really thought I would have trouble leaving my appartment ,but I didn't. It actually feels really good. The hardest thing to do was moving all that stuff I have.. it took allot of effort and i'm just really done with moving itself. If I think about moving in the future it allready gives me the chills.. but I know I have to move at least one more time.. not going to stay forever in a studentroom :p. But let's not think about that right now.

Today I had a meeting for my job in de city centre of Amsterdam, so I had to bike to the city for the first time. It was surpisingly easy to get to the centre, the only thing I had trouble with was finding a good spot to stall my bike. EVERYWHERE I looked were bikes. It looked like the whole city was stalling his bike. I now truly understand why the Netherlands is called the 'bike country'. Never did I see so many bikes in one place!
I finally found a place near the rembrandt museum, on a brigde I put away my bike. I also did park it here because I could easily find it. After the job meeting I looked around in the city, shopped a little bit and found a new backpack, not the one I really wanted like I showed in the last post but another. This one was allot cheaper because I can't afford the one I really want right now..and I really needed a new one quick.

After that I really wanted to head back to diemen because I was becoming tired and hungry. On my way back on the bike I took a different route to diemen and came across so many pretty houses and parcs. I used to think Amsterdam was so scary, big, crowded, ugly.. but that's not the case at all. Amsterdam is actually really pretty, it just depends on where you are. I also saw allot of stores in the centre I never saw in my life, vintage shops, cool kids stores, a store with alternative clothing, I saw this brand 'disturbia' in the window, totally going back there! Also saw a store with spiritual things, like dreamcatchers and things like that. Can't wait to figure all that stuff out, today I just walked by and tried to remember the streets a bit. I also saw the 'prinsengracht' again and instantly wanted to go to school. I really can't wait for it to start! Amsterdam is 'growing' on me. I see why people say it is a lively city. It just is. It's almost unexplainable.

When I got back in diemen I did some grocery shopping at 'deen' supermarket, never heard about that supermarket so I gave it a shot. They sold some meat which didn't have 'e' numbers, it stated that it was healthier and hey it was on discount so why not. Tried the 'veggie' one and it was tasty :) I think the deen supermarket is more targeting 'bio' foods which is totally trending right now. I also try to eat and drink more healthy, which is hard sometimes because I really love eating chips.. 8D

Back at the appartment in diemen, the first day I really officially live here. Not really feeling weird or anything. I just wonder how I will deal with the distance between me and my family/boyfriend on the long term. I will totally going back and forth by train, it's on a 3 minute walk from the appartment, which is super awesome. I just hope I will have enough time to see them. Offcourse I made this decision knowing I would be farther away and possibly don't have allot of time left... and maybe in the future I won't need to miss him. But that future seems so far away and everything is unknown right now, it's scary. But I'm convinced we will survive this and it's neccesary to go through. This feels like the chance to work on the future I want, for us, now or never.

Pack'n'bag

Now that I know I'm going to move to Amsterdam I have to arrange some things.. like where do I leave all my stuff? And denounce the rent for my appartment.. (can't believe I'm actually doing that) saying goodbye to my appartment is one of the hardest things I have to do. I sworn that I wouldn't leave this place for at least two years...but, oh well.

Trying to get my mind set on moving and filling boxes with stuff I want to bring, I was thinking about the fun things that it will bring. Like.. school! (yes that's a fun thing) I'm really looking forward to school in September ! Making and learning new stuff.. but then I thought, OMG I will have to carry all that stuff again (like a laptop etc.) and on top of that I will probably travel allot from Amsterdam to Breda.(why will I move to Amsterdam again? ;) )

I really have to buy a decent backpack! (not the one I have now, bought with a discount for 10euros, lol) And I remember one time I sat in college and my laptop was totally fucked up (probably because I didn't have a decent bag where my laptop would be safe and I would roll it into a towel..........D: )
And even though I'm into fashion and I have ALLOT of bags, I always use a backpack.. because I love backpacks!

what else is a life without trying and trying and trying?

Me starting a blog about.. me. And my adventures. Things I love. Fashion, lifestyle and much more. Not so exciting I would say right now, but I am at a point in my life right now, 'a crossroads' I would like to call it.

Allot has happened in my life, allot of good things but allot of bad things as well. Let's say I've learnt ALLOT in my life, especially about my own values and who I would like to be. I know who I am, who I like to be friends with and what I would like to do with my life.I just figured out my ''path'', the 'only' thing I need to do is follow my dreams and fight for them. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

In the last year I had a really hard time. I broke up with my ex, I lived with him for 3 years and just had a terrible year of exams behind me. I was heartbroken. Lost in my mind. What was I am going to do? Had no home and had to live with my mom. no offence. I had a great time with my mom, my stepdad and half-sis ;) Although I graduated and had diplomas , I didn't want to do any of those jobs.
A little weird you would think, but for me it's not. I never knew what I wanted to do when I would 'grow up', I only knew I wanted to do something 'creative'. And I was easy influenced by other people. I thought my drawing skills were 'ok' but not 'amazing'. I could take photographs 'ok' but not 'amazing'. I also didn't have the ambition to be 'amazing'. I think this is also an outcome of my home situation as well, I moved 7 times in 10 years, not an perfect environment to be 'amazing'.

There is no one to blame though, all these things taught me to be me. And I'm happy with me.

In the last year I got an appartment. I was really lucky with this system called 'lottery', I got an appartment in 2 months in my home town, 5 minutes away from my sister. I also worked hard on getting a new job and eventually I got it after writing a million letters.
But it was not a job I REALLY liked to do, it is super boring and the working times suck. 

One time I worked at night, it was like; 3 am... And I was thinking to myself; 'why would I do this?'
'it doesn't make me happy at all'... It pays good money, the co-workers are really nice, but this is not what I want to do for two more years. Why should I 'punish' myself with this job? Why would I be satisfied with this? I'm such a moron if I put up with this just to get money. Why should I do things I don't want to do? 
I learnt over the years, 'putting up with things you don't like' is a neccesity sometimes. But sometimes it will not get you anywhere. Choose your battles, and this was not my battle. So I decided to quit this job. Something I wouldn't have done a year ago because I would have been scared to take a 'leap of faith', dissapoint other people. I would think everybody would think I am a 'failure'. But what the hell, I won't let others influence my life anymore, good for other people they have a million dollar job, vacations to distant lands, baby's and a loving husband. I just don't like the educations I followed, that's not a shame. I don't want to get stuck with a job I have to work 40 hours a week I don't even like.

Distant lands, baby's and a million dollar job can wait another two years. I'm 26 and I feel like I didn't took chances or I didn't 'fail' enough, stuck up with things I didn't want. Didn't explore enough. Stayed my 'whole' life in one 'place', had one job, got diplomas because it felt like it was 'desired' or I didn't really knew what to do otherwise. I just did it, worked for 9 years like a perfect employee, didn't have a debt, got boyfriends, stayed true to them, loved them, gave everything. What did I get in return? What did I do for ME? Not enough in my opinion. 
I want to go on adventure, explore new things, meet new people, work a job I like. 

So the last month or so, my plans changed drastically. In September I'm starting school again, Academy Artemis in Amsterdam and follow my dream to become a 'stylist in fashion'. This study is one day a week, so I could travel to Amsterdam and back. But why should I do that? Public transportation in the Netherlands suck. Especially to amsterdam. The only reason to stay here in 'brabant' is my boyfriend and be close to family. And this sucks for other people, but this time I will choose me, I can't stay because of someone else anymore. I will see what it brings me and what I will lose. I strongly believe in 'destiny' and some things are 'meant to be'. Yes, I'm a bit spiritual ;).. I also believe it has to do with willpower and positivity. 
I know it's going to be hard, but I think it will expand my life, If not, I 'tried' and what else is a life without trying and trying and trying?

So I decided to start a blog, maybe to inspire other people, to put some experiences, to put some photos, some ideas. But mainly for me, because I like it, because I like to write sometimes, take some photos or show outfits or inspiration :) 
love, stacey