what else is a life without trying and trying and trying?

Me starting a blog about.. me. And my adventures. Things I love. Fashion, lifestyle and much more. Not so exciting I would say right now, but I am at a point in my life right now, 'a crossroads' I would like to call it.

Allot has happened in my life, allot of good things but allot of bad things as well. Let's say I've learnt ALLOT in my life, especially about my own values and who I would like to be. I know who I am, who I like to be friends with and what I would like to do with my life.I just figured out my ''path'', the 'only' thing I need to do is follow my dreams and fight for them. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

In the last year I had a really hard time. I broke up with my ex, I lived with him for 3 years and just had a terrible year of exams behind me. I was heartbroken. Lost in my mind. What was I am going to do? Had no home and had to live with my mom. no offence. I had a great time with my mom, my stepdad and half-sis ;) Although I graduated and had diplomas , I didn't want to do any of those jobs.
A little weird you would think, but for me it's not. I never knew what I wanted to do when I would 'grow up', I only knew I wanted to do something 'creative'. And I was easy influenced by other people. I thought my drawing skills were 'ok' but not 'amazing'. I could take photographs 'ok' but not 'amazing'. I also didn't have the ambition to be 'amazing'. I think this is also an outcome of my home situation as well, I moved 7 times in 10 years, not an perfect environment to be 'amazing'.

There is no one to blame though, all these things taught me to be me. And I'm happy with me.

In the last year I got an appartment. I was really lucky with this system called 'lottery', I got an appartment in 2 months in my home town, 5 minutes away from my sister. I also worked hard on getting a new job and eventually I got it after writing a million letters.
But it was not a job I REALLY liked to do, it is super boring and the working times suck. 

One time I worked at night, it was like; 3 am... And I was thinking to myself; 'why would I do this?'
'it doesn't make me happy at all'... It pays good money, the co-workers are really nice, but this is not what I want to do for two more years. Why should I 'punish' myself with this job? Why would I be satisfied with this? I'm such a moron if I put up with this just to get money. Why should I do things I don't want to do? 
I learnt over the years, 'putting up with things you don't like' is a neccesity sometimes. But sometimes it will not get you anywhere. Choose your battles, and this was not my battle. So I decided to quit this job. Something I wouldn't have done a year ago because I would have been scared to take a 'leap of faith', dissapoint other people. I would think everybody would think I am a 'failure'. But what the hell, I won't let others influence my life anymore, good for other people they have a million dollar job, vacations to distant lands, baby's and a loving husband. I just don't like the educations I followed, that's not a shame. I don't want to get stuck with a job I have to work 40 hours a week I don't even like.

Distant lands, baby's and a million dollar job can wait another two years. I'm 26 and I feel like I didn't took chances or I didn't 'fail' enough, stuck up with things I didn't want. Didn't explore enough. Stayed my 'whole' life in one 'place', had one job, got diplomas because it felt like it was 'desired' or I didn't really knew what to do otherwise. I just did it, worked for 9 years like a perfect employee, didn't have a debt, got boyfriends, stayed true to them, loved them, gave everything. What did I get in return? What did I do for ME? Not enough in my opinion. 
I want to go on adventure, explore new things, meet new people, work a job I like. 

So the last month or so, my plans changed drastically. In September I'm starting school again, Academy Artemis in Amsterdam and follow my dream to become a 'stylist in fashion'. This study is one day a week, so I could travel to Amsterdam and back. But why should I do that? Public transportation in the Netherlands suck. Especially to amsterdam. The only reason to stay here in 'brabant' is my boyfriend and be close to family. And this sucks for other people, but this time I will choose me, I can't stay because of someone else anymore. I will see what it brings me and what I will lose. I strongly believe in 'destiny' and some things are 'meant to be'. Yes, I'm a bit spiritual ;).. I also believe it has to do with willpower and positivity. 
I know it's going to be hard, but I think it will expand my life, If not, I 'tried' and what else is a life without trying and trying and trying?

So I decided to start a blog, maybe to inspire other people, to put some experiences, to put some photos, some ideas. But mainly for me, because I like it, because I like to write sometimes, take some photos or show outfits or inspiration :) 
love, stacey